Erotic Stories from the House of "C"
1. The Horse Girl
Karen loved horses. Every day she went out to her stable full of horses and groomed them, fed them, rode them around, talked to them, kissed their long snouts, and cleaned the dirt that always got stuck in their horseshoes. One day, as she rode her favorite horse Penelope around and around her ranch, a strange sight caught her eye. Down in the valley, a man was erecting (wink) a contraption piece by piece. Why, it looked like a metal horse!
Now, I'm sure you were hoping for some kind of horse sex to take place, but that isn't what this story is about. So Karen stopped thinking about fucking her horse, and rode down to the clearing to see what was afoot.
"Hallo, Stranger," she hollered. The man cocked his eyebrow, as he'd never, ever heard anyone mispronounce the word "hello" before.
"Hi," he said, and went back to busily assembling his metal horse.
"I see you're building a metal horse!" she exclaimed. But the man just continued to work, paying her no attention. "I mean, it's just four metal legs now, but it's going to be a horse, right? I know what horses look like! I love horses. I guess you might put some kind of different animal's torso on there, just to make it not-a-horse. But it really looks like you're constructing some kind of metal horse!"
"Yes," he said finally. I've been working on this metal horse all my life, and I just finished it today, so if you don't mind, I'd like to concentrate on actually assembling it."
"Oh, sure sure, don't mind me," she said. "I just want to watch."
"I've never seen a metal horse before," she added.
The man worked quickly, attaching hub-caps to the tops of the legs, only they weren't hub-caps, they were called "horse-caps," followed by a diesel engine which attached to all four legs and which rested between steel beams which were called "horse beams." But when it came time to attach the torso-shaped metal covering, the man found that he couldn't lift it.
"Why, is that stupid little, small piece of girly metal too heavy for you?" Karen wondered aloud.
"Yes," the man said sadly. "I'm afraid I pulled my spine earlier today fighting some Indian warriors who ambushed me. They were obviously trying to steal my invention," he said. "But now I am too weak to construct it. Oh Great Lament!"
Karen only smiled. "Silly Stranger! Stop crying like a baby and just let me help!"
"L-Let you help?" he said, wiping his tears away. "B-but, you're a girl!"
"I shore am!" she said. She had dismounted her horse and stood proudly smiling with her hands on her hips. She had been practicing this move for a long time now and had been waiting for a good time to use it.
The strange man eyed her suspiciously, but after a moment said, "I guess even a girl can lift an object."
In today's society a line like that would sound a bit sexist, but in 1897 this was a hot, juicy compliment. Karen blushed fiercely.
Without wasting another ten minutes they hoisted the metal horse carapace onto its metal horse foundation of metal horse legs. Wiping the sweat from their brows, the two exchanged knowing smiles and then, for some reason, laughed uncontrollably for two minutes. Indeed, the strange man was starting to take interest in her, and she in him.
After assembling its metal neck and head and fastening all the pieces together the metal horse was complete. They looked upon it with pride. What an adventure Karen was having! The man wasted no time in revving its horse engine, which was accomplished by pulling a drawstring where the tail would be and by cursing furiously as it failed over and over again.
Suddenly it sprang to life, and Karen yelped because it was louder than hell. Then, they both cheered, and jumped around gaily and hugged and spat and shimmied and danced and laughed and cheered and spat and shimmied some more. "It works, it works!" the man yelled. "My metal horse works!"
Karen couldn't believe her good fortune. This man would become a famous inventor like Thomas Edison, the creator of the light bulb, or Timothy Greeley, the inventor of the Rotating Charlie Calendar! In all her youthful joy, she kissed him, and coughed into his mouth from all the black engine smoke that was clouding around them. But their passion was stronger still, and the two of them tore at each other's clothes and made love in the secrecy of the metal horse cloud.
When they woke up, the machine was still. It had run out of gas. The man's face suddenly filled with anger. He had not even been able to try it out. But Karen put her finger to his lips. "Hush, hush now, be quiet," she whispered.
"You will just have to try it again tomorrow," she said, and then tried to wink.
"But," he said, "You don't even know my name."
"I don't need to know your name," she said sexily. "I'm a horse girl." And they rode off on Penelope into the sunset, and when that burned their eyes, they returned to her cottage and fucked some more.
THE END
Epilogue
The metal horse didn't work.
