Jan. 15, 2007
Hmm. Would you say that today's comic shatters all boundaries of Comics as a Medium of True Art, or that it merely redefines everything that art means? I suppose a valid argument could be made in either case, though only at great length, and preferably made by men dressed as Abraham Lincoln and Napolean respectively. Would that some noble scholar may start the debates now so that history will not lose sight of how mankind's greatest philosophical conflict originated!
Yet I will take no part in the matter. As my public notoriety continues to swell, I don't have the time for such contentions. In truth, I am powerless to stop the relentless torrent of phone calls.
"Chad, you are so talented!" they cry.
"Oh, thank you. How nice of you."
"Chad? Chad, is that you? Oh, it is! Will you kindly sign my breasts?"
"Good Madame! Your phone manner is very forward!"
"Oh, Chad! Your website has been under construction for years so well!"
"Thank you. I appreciate that sentiment."
"Chad! I love how you misspell the word vassals!"
And so on.
Not to imply that it is only aroused young girls keeping my phone off the hook. Moments ago I underwent a different sort of conversation altogether.
"Chaddeous E?"
"Yes."
"This is David Remnick calling on behalf of 'The New Yorker.' I will cut right to the chase, Mr. E. We would be honored if you would illustrate the cover of our next issue, and we are prepared to offer you twenty thousand dollars and forty-five cents for this service, as well as a monogrammed gift basket full of, oh, let's say opals."
"Ooh."
"As you doubtlessly know, we usually commision such artworks months or even years in advance, but your hasty, possibly inebriated linework, which we've all come to know and love, and in so short a time, is reason enough to throw caution to the wind. Chaddeous, will you accept this exciting offer?"
"May I draw it while riding a bicycle, as I do with the material on my webite?"
"Of course!"
But I don't mean to brag. I'll probably get around to illustrating their cover in a few days. I'm thinking a party scene with a sad penguin standing off to one side, or something to that effect. Watch for it at your local newsstand!
Two comics in and already my life is turned upside down. It just goes to show you, doesn't it? Contrary to popular perception, putting free random crap on the internet really does pay in the long run. At the very least, it pays twenty thousand dollars and a bucket of jewels.
-Chaddeous E.
